This is the first of my three entries to a short story writing competition. It’s a work of fiction and any resemblance to any character is purely coincidental. It’s working title was Chauvinistic, My Foot! And I mean it. To those who think they are above copy right rules, I have already sent my entry:

Unearthly screams and wails rent the dewy early morning air. Pillai ran toward the source of the entire melee and was astonished by what he saw. A bloated body was floating upside down in the water. He looked around in surprise, and saw that the audience comprised only of women. That would explain the wails, thought he, as he waded through the crowd of waxed limbs and powdered faces, sniffly noses and watery eyes. The equilibrium between the body’s scent and the crowd’s cosmetic stench flummoxed Pillai.

‘There there, ladies, it’s alright. Can you please calm down so that we can identify this poor soul?’ reasoned Pillai.

A collective ‘Yes!’ filled the air, along with a few ‘Yay!’ and one ‘anyone seen my eyebrow pencil?’

‘Control, Pillai, control’ he muttered to himself, clenching his fists and grinding his teeth at the last question. ‘Now, can someone get me a long pole so that… What is it, you, wearing pink and you, with hair like a porcupine’s back?’

‘Oh, nothing’ replied the pink one, ‘I was just telling her about this random guy who had a pole so long that…’

‘Will you stop that, woman?! A man’s dead and you are telling us about your weird sexual fantasies?’

‘How are you sure it is a man?’ asked the porcupine hair, with a defensive, intelligent look.

‘Do you see two hairy masses by his sides? Yeah, they are his arms. Now, how many women…’

‘You know, Leela, a cousin of mine called Radha had so much facial hair that people thought she was my brother. Poor thing had to shave every other day.’

‘But,’ interjected Pillai, ‘we …’

‘Oh, why don’t you ask her to go to Reena’s beauty parlor? She does such an amazing job that my father gets his daily shave there.’

‘Stop giggling, you foolish women!’ cried Pillai ‘and let’s work on…’

‘Does anyone know where you can get your nose fixed? These diamond studs and hoops on both my nostrils take up so much space that I need a bigger nose.’

‘Yeah, go to Mimi’s. She’s from Russia and she has a way with…’

‘Oh, but wait, is this the Mimi’s on First Street or Eleventh?’

‘Which one is on First?’

‘Hmmm, there is a fake jewelry shop called All that Shines opposite the one at First Street.’

‘All that Shines’ exclaimed all women in a dreamy voice, as Pillai started shouting above the babble of excited voices.

‘Did you see that extremely cute guy behind the clip counter?’

‘Which clip counter, the one at the start or the one opposite the brooch counter?’

‘Oh, the one in the brooch counter has a sexy voice. But he’s got this creepy look all the time.’

‘Did you know that Raima goes out with that creep?’

‘Raima! Isn’t she the one who sprayed her hair blonde?’

‘No, that one is the girl who works at the cloth store, Needle and Thread.’

‘Did you see the new undergarment section at Needle and Thread? All those posters stuck around, I wish I was a model.’

A visible hush came upon the gathering as the oldest member of the flock spoke.

‘Don’t you women know what happened to Meena, daughter of Veena? She went to model at Kolkata and…’

‘Kolkata is such a lovely place to shop. Have you been to Gariahat where…’

Pillai could bear it no longer; he put his head into the water. It was peaceful and serene. He was happy. He smiled.

The next day found two dead bodies in the water.